A perfect match (From Living Northeast)

A perfect match

12:22pm Tuesday 23rd February 2010 in

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Born and bred in Darlington, Shuma Choudhury is a modern woman. But she was very happy to have an arranged marriage according to Muslim tradition, she tells Lucy Richardson, who follows her through the intricate ceremonial.

NERVOUS anticipation is usual before the biggest day of your life. But Shuma Choudhury had more butterflies than most as she expected more than 500 guests at her wedding and had only been introduced to her husband-to-be a few months before.

She may have lived in Darlington all her life, but Shuma was happy to embrace Bengali Muslim custom and let relatives find her perfect match. Soon after she met Kabir Aziz and his parents for the first time, their engagement was announced. “My family and his family felt that we were both right for each other. It wasn’t odd, but I did feel a bit anxious,” she says.

The impending nuptials were marked by Kabir’s family presenting Shuma with a Gucci watch and a diamond ring, a gesture reciprocated by her parents.

Their involvement plays a vital role in the festivities in a symbolic joining of the two families in matrimony.

Shuma’s prospective in-laws chose and bought all her wedding outfits and jewellery, while her parents supplied Kabir with all his finery.

A terraced house, just a stone’s throw from Darlington town centre, where Shuma lives with her large family, was turned into the nerve centre for the series of lavish festivities to be held over the next few days.

The celebrations kicked off with a mehndi henna party which involves staining the bride’s hands with ornate patterns to signify that she is about to get married. Family and friends, traditionally dressed for the occasion, presented Shuma with sweet gifts, such as pieces of fruit, as a symbol of everlasting happiness.

Darlington Arts Centre was transformed for the occasion with an ornate backdrop and provided an ideal venue for guests to enjoy singing and dancing.

The following day, relatives from across the country descended on Darlington for the first family wedding to be held in the UK. Described by Shuma as the “calm before the storm”, the day involved catching up with cousins and ironing out any last minute glitches.

The living room window was decorated with lights, advertising that a wedding was only days away, and prompted a steady stream of well wishers from the local community.

A second hen party, or sangeet, was held at Shuma’s family home the evening before the wedding when women made wedding “favours” and younger girls danced. The last night Shuma would spend at home gave her close family the opportunity to reminisce about her life and share fond memories before she flew the nest.

She woke with her room packed ready to start the next exciting chapter of her life with her husband and his family in Ashton-under-Lyme, near Manchester.

The Teesside University graduate dressed in a lengha – a stunning red top, skirt and shawl, featuring antique fabric, and complemented with gold jewellery.

“I was nervous because getting married is a big thing in life, but I was glad that my family was there to support me. It is important to have family there. Leaving them was emotional, really sad,” she says.

In front of her father and local elders, Shuma made her wedding vows at home while Kabir repeated his in front of the same witnesses at a nearby mosque. Accompanied by seven bridesmaids and six flower girls, Shuma then made her way to the George Hotel in Piercebridge, near Darlington, where she was joined by her new husband. For the 700 guests. The newlyweds sat on gold “thrones” in front of a specially decorated backdrop as guests presented them with gifts, mainly consisting of money and vouchers. Other traditional ceremonies were performed by the couple, including feeding each other sweet treats and placing a garland of flowers over one another’s heads.

Before cutting the tiered sponge wedding cake, the hundreds of guests tucked into a gourmet feast of Indian cuisine, prepared by chef Azom Khan, who cooked for former Prime Minister John Major on his 50th birthday.

Shuma was intrigued to discover what her friends from school and work made of the traditional affair.

“I told them to wear bright colours, as Asian weddings are always very bright, “ she said beforehand. “A lot of people are very excited about coming to the wedding and I am very excited for them. It will be nice for them to see what actually goes on at an Asian wedding.”

As the celebrations came to a close, Shuma prepared to travel across the Pennines and moved in with her husband and his family. “I am not worried about being lonely, I will get to know him and his family there,” she added.

A week after the wedding, another reception, or walima, was hosted by the groom’s parents, reuniting both families once again.

“The wedding was wonderful, everyone said that the venue was beautiful and the food was gorgeous. I was very sad to leave and there were lots of tears, especially from me and my mum, but I am slowly getting to know everyone over here. My husband is very kind and sweet.”